2008.

so of course I have to blog about the new year, DUH!
okay so 2008 was a messy year, To be honest, I wish it never happened, If I could take it back I would in a heartbeat. I would hold on to friends and not let them walk away thinking they will come back. I live in the suburbs, Pathetic! I hate it here, nothing interesting, same people. No new faces, I wish I lived in portland orgeon. I wish I could just pack up and leave this all behind. throughout this year I have lost a few friends and gained some INCREDIBLE ones . I have learned alot about myself and my life. I have had a year of joy, smiles, laughter, years, screaming, fighting, fixing things, and just livivng life. I have learned that you have to hold on to those you love and dont take anyone for granted. I couldnt have gotten through this year without heather or erin, Heather was my sanity, the one who saw me cry at my worst, complain in my problems, run away in fear, and scream and let my anger out. She was the one who basically kept me going, and erin, she was the one that protected me, always had my best intrest at heart, took me away when I needed it and listened and helped me through, when kicked out, I stayed with her, and she just helped me through it all. These two people are the most incredible to me, I cant imagine how I would have survived this year without them, I really do miss the highschool sometimes, mostly cause I miss seeing my friends.

Lets hope 2009 is a good one.

over it.

i feel so stupidd.
time for new friends.

Im done,

trying to trick myself and everyone that Im happy, that I can do this alone, I cant.
and when I let my guard down and even consider letting someone help me, then please try.
If I push you away, Im sorry, but please help me fight,
Im asking for your help.

when Im ready, youu will know it.
give me a few months.

christmas.

was wonderful.
I am so happy.


I miss a few people like,
shannon weller
Kathleen Custodio
Meagan Bryan
Tess Henderson
Sean Olyink

and a few more!

ps. I miss poland.

Its winter.

Its winter and the coldness is making me so happy.
But of course I am getting sick, because I always do at christmas time.
Ice skating is so wonderful, except when I get tired and crash. ha
anyways, I have been thinking a lot about Christmas, its become such a materialistic holiday when it shouldn't be, so many family's are digging themselves deeper into debt just to give there kids this over the top christmas, and some are fighting just to provide a simple gift or two. I realize that is has become a comercial holiday, but to tell you the truth, I have realized, It doesnt matter about presents as much to me. I dont even remember what I got for christmas last year, but I can tell you about christmas eve with my family and christmas day, because thats what I cherish, Being with my family, the laughing, the food, the stories, the memories, and just being with the people that mean the most to me. I admitt I love to open presents, but this year, I have nothing to ask for, I am just happy to be alive. Im just happy to have my family, to sit around and laugh and cry with them. to have my friends who get me by, to look at christmas lights and watch christmas movies with my mommmy.

I dont remember christmas for the extravagent gifts, but only for the memories.
<3

weird.

how when I thought things were going great,
my heart was questioned.
someone saw behind it all, and all these emotions came up.
and I realized, I dont trust anyone. Like not anyone.
and I hate that.


But im doing this alone, and Im winning.


on the bright side, its christmas! 8 days! I still have shopping to do, But Im so happy, I get to be with my family, and be happy, and smile and laugh and drink hot coco and eat cookies and fudge and just be with the people who matter most.

and my brother is home and I have never been happier!


<3

weird mood.

really good day,
brother is home.
did all my homework.


then all the sudden I got really tired and like started crying and Im not sad.
hmm.
I think its just the whole missing my uncle.
I just cry without even knowing.
truly weird.

well im going to go see my brother<3

christmas!

its christmas! that helps everything, i bought a new apron, alot of unexpected things have been happening. but this is life right?
all I know is im scrapped up from the christmas tree falling on me.
hmm anyways, i have done my fair share of christmas baking, now all I need to do is christmas shopping.
Im recording my cd on december 21st. a long day in the studio, hopefully having a good outcome!
my brother comes home in 6 days and that gives me someting to be happy about.
tonight is my last night of steves class.
i got my hair done this weekend, I absolutley ADOREEE it.

ps, Im sorry you couldnt stay. Im sorry about everything mean I ever said.

off to go shoop, what else is new?
lovelovelove<3

so much on my mind.

the past few days have been interesting,
the idea of piercing my nose is a BIG option, not many people are agreeing but who cares, its my choice, my eyes have been opened to the lifestyle im living and the choices and my faith, Im not going to sit here and tell you about it, but I def. am going to pull through.

Im making some def, needed changes in my life.
as for school, I am overwhelemd but complaining I have realized is doing nothing for many, in any aspect of my life.

Instead of complaining Im going to fix things<3

today,

shannon weller completed me!
hahaha. My favorite person, screw all you who dont love her with all your heart!
your missing out!

and I have decided, heather and I are the greatest and you cant argue it.
and ps. I want to be a meermaid.


that is all.