hmm.

so bad weekend,
alot happened and I had alot of time to think.
thanksgiving just made me realize who really mattered in my life, I am just so thankful for everyone who is fighting alongside me to fix everything, I cant thank you all enough<3

Sick.

Im really sick,
Like I just want to lay down and cry, and my mommy is working and she wont take care of me.
I really want someone to take care of me instead of me taking care of anyone else.

Reality is, even when Im sick my duties dont stop. boys are on there way over to be fed.
my role as a mother will not stop even when im sick.


<3

Confused.

My anxietty is casuing so much confusion in my life. It is making me lose sleep, making me exhausted and causing me to be anxious about every little thing. I am truly exhausted, ALL THE TIME! mentally and physically. I find myself laying in my bathtub fully clothed and no water, just an empty tub, and coloring in coloring books at 3 in the morning. I hate the person I have become and I ate that Im usually crying or being mean and lashing out at the people I love. I used to laugh, Now I cry. I used to go out with friends, now I only have people over. I used to be a good friend, now I push everyone away. I used to not care what people thought about my style, now I find myself dressing differently just so I dont have to hear those comments. People used to encourage me, Now they confront me. I used to pray for the strength to share gods word, now I pray for the strength to survive the next day. I hate this, I hate that people have to worry about me. I want to be the friend everyone ran to.

Ps. This weekend was very incredible. specially saturday night!
<3

school,

Is the death of me,
I am so overwhelmmed and upset with it. I have to put together a packet, write an assesment, and type my essayss, I have been working all weekend. I am just so sick of it all. and my anxiety has been HORRIBLE, and Im just done!

forgot

about my blogg. hhmmm, I have decided, I am so done with people ttryingg to fix my life for me and not letting me do it myself. They dont take into mind that I have feelings, that Im hurting, I dont know how to explain in., I just want to do it myself.


ughh!
What a joke!

hhhm.

Someone would tell me what to do with my life, friends, family. everything,. But of course its not that easy. I just want to be happy, I want to laugh and cry out of joy, I want to dance and sing with joy. not laugh at what I have become, cry myself to sleep. and sing and dance to distract myself. I just wish someone could tell me whats best for me. If letttting go is best or if caring is.


I just want someone to fix everything.

Im done being sad.


Straight from the space bulliten. haha to lazy to re write something.