sometimes it feels like the scariest thing in like is admitting you need someone. is admitting that your not okay with the idea of loosing them whether its to distance or change of heart. I often wonder how to hold on to people who are important to me, who I feel are worth my heart and love! Another painful thing is not being able to take the pain of someone who you love, take away there hurt. you are wonderful, you are worth it all. please dont let anyone ruin you, please.

worst possible mood right now, but who am I supposed to call? Who am I supposed to talk to?

I shouldnt give a shit what you think...but I do. I need to go all day tomorrow without seeing you, I need to go tomorrow without texting you. I dont know what you are to me. I can do this, I am strong.

I feel like I cheated my mother out of senior pictures, and prom and walking at graduation. Im sorry that I didnt let you have the experience of senior year for me. I am so sorry.

I feel really alone, even though Ive been surrounded with people for 3 days. you drop me off after 12 and I see you before 11, thats not much time for me but it feels like forever.

watching you through chemo is the worst feeling in the world.

Im done talking. I only seem to dig myself in to holes. I speak out of anger, jealousy and fear and I destroy peoples trust. Im done doing my version of helping. Im stopping, and letting everyone finally be happy again.

does anyone read this anymore? if I posted my deepest darkest secrets...would it matter? i am falling for you.

Shannon Weller.

You are my best friend. I love you more than words can explain and its your 18th birthday today! its all about you and nobody else, I hope today is good to you! cause you deserve it. Dont let anyone ever make you feel less than the incredible person you are. I love you alot...and think you deserve the world. you are beautiful!

I know you will not read this. You tell me not to text you EVER but you dont fucking respond to my calls. I feel like your not speaking clearly, I know not to text you but I think a part of you wants me to never talk to you again. if so I wish you would just tell me. that would be alot better than this shit your putting me through,

1. I wish I could help you.
2. I wish I could make you see how blessed you are.
3. I wish I could make you feel less lonley.
4. I wish I could provide you somewhere to live.
5. I wish I could drive to you for once.
6. I wish that you saw me for who I really was and not who I have pretended to be.
7. I wish you would come to my birthday, its 18. a big one to do without you.
8. I wish you would text me first.
9. I wish you would meet the girl you deserve.
10. I wish you would treat me like a friend.
11. I wish you would just see that I want to be with you.
12. I wish you would treat me like you did before the fight.
13. I wish we were actually going to be okay for real.
14. I wish you would treat yourself with more respect.
15. I wish you were honest with me.
16. I wish I didnt ever say that to you.

i cant stop crying, and my anxiety will be my death.

I justt neeed to point out the fact that I am really blessed by my best friend, she is the greatest and we are so much alike as we figured that out last night.

i really miss you.

im sorry for all the lies I have fed you all over the years, I admitt today that I have a problem. but all I do know anymore is that I dont want to let the past determine the future. I dont want to lose any of you, because I am willing to do anything to regain that trust, regardless of how long it takes. I know you deserve more from me, so I am going to give it you.

the only thing that seems to cure my feeling of being alone is the fact that I get to buy important people in my life wonderful christmas presents!

http://www.urbanoutfitters.com/urban/catalog/productdetail.jsp?itemdescription=true&itemCount=60&startValue=1&selectedProductColor=&sortby=&id=17721101&parentid=SALE_W_ACC&sortProperties=+subCategoryPosition

this purse is my newest obsession!

im so close to giving up on you, I have never felt this way about a person. Im so sorry for even thinking about it.

thank you, and im sorry for the past blogs.

I never asked you to care for me, so you are more than welcome too but remember that it is your will.....

ps. I didnt except this morning to happen, my mood is so bittersweet, I cant explain.

im thankful I guess you could say, but truth is not for much, just the select few friends I have and my mother.