im so close to giving up on you, I have never felt this way about a person. Im so sorry for even thinking about it.

thank you, and im sorry for the past blogs.

I never asked you to care for me, so you are more than welcome too but remember that it is your will.....

ps. I didnt except this morning to happen, my mood is so bittersweet, I cant explain.

im thankful I guess you could say, but truth is not for much, just the select few friends I have and my mother.

when will I stop missing you? I feel pathetic.

i just wish you would be honest with me.

funny how my drinking completely put tension on our friendship.

you say satan has a really strong hold on me, how do you know?

on may 3rd at 8:56 you wrote on my facebook wall "GET A JOB AND EAT AN ORANGE!" so here I am 6 months later and I have one, and I ate an orange tonight.

I am just realizing more and more that its painful to get out of bed, out of my security. To put on my brave face and try and face everryone. I am so alone, and I want someone to talk to. I want a best friend like I had with you.

fuck you, fuck you, fuck you and all of it.

he says you miss me and still care, that if I were to get seriously injured or be diagnosed with a terrible illness that you would come see me, would you? I dont believe it. I wish it was true.

if only you understood me and the crimes I have commited against God, myself and everyone. If only you didnt drive to my house at 11 30 to prove your love, I cant acceppt your love. I am incapable, so please just stop getting frustrated when I dont let you in, when I lie to your face, because I will, thats how I guard my heart. so this is me, love me if you want, but I never asked you to.

what happens when you stop wanting to be what defined you for so long, when you just want to walk away from it all and start over?

what scares me is that you might not love me as much after that shenanigan last night. Im sorry, you are worth it and I will fight for you.

Im scared of this, Im not sure how to win or help you....what do I do?